Trying to Find a Needle in a Haystack

Updated: May 23, 2020


For some reason though despite all of this I still believe that Doctors know best, that they care and that people in the health profession know what they are doing because they save lives daily. I believed for a long time that I was just over sensitive. I refused to say anything that may come across rude and I try to be brave but unlike me my Fiancee who is brave, believes that they are there to help and treating me like a I do not matter is not what is supposed to happen. He is my advocate, he tells them when they are wrong that crying so much because it hurts. Not being able to move or not being able to shower alone is not normal for a 27 year old. So many times I wish that the Doctors and Nurses could spend just one day in our home. Experience what I do on a daily basis, watch me struggling to shower,struggle to get up daily to go to work despite my pain and nausea, to feel the guilt I feel when I don't get out of bed or even watch me fall so deep into depression that I don't want to live because nothing is never going to change. They will always treat me like I’m just a drug seeker and never believe me.

Sometimes I just wish I could be a strong woman to stand up and tell them I matter because we matter too. They may not see the pain but trust me when I say we certainly feel it. I just want one day, one day free from pain, nausea, bloating or the sadness that controls me and my life. I want to finally get married and have babies because I can, but how can I do that without help.

These though are the worst experiences I have had but I have had some good experiences. My current GP cares, he understands and he feels awful when he cannot fix me. It doesn't even matter that he cannot fix me, he does something others do not, he does what he can, believes me and above all listens to what I have to say. Without his and my fiancee’s support I have no doubt I would not be here.

If you need help, call Lifeline 13 11 14 and remember #youmatter.

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