Today after a hard morning and I decided I need to dance again. You see dancing makes me happy. When I do it, sometimes I pay for it sometimes I don't. Today the benefits outweigh the possible consequences. What is its that makes you happy?
This picture is a free picture from http://www.danceclassesoakville.com/oakvilledancepictures.html but it sums up what dance does for me despite everything that comes my way in this journey with endometriosis, it can help me set free those dark moments that make the journey hard.
So I made a phone call to a dance studio not far from home and although the normal dance term is nearly over, I explained I needed to dance. I needed to do one of the things that makes me happy without fail. No I'm not as flexible as I was or as strong but I need to dance. They understood and I have lined up a lesson to get into a class, challenge my body and my mind, enjoy music and movement and shimmy my 'wobbly bits' on a dance floor. What the outcome will be, I don't know? I DO know I will enjoy every moment of it, I will smile and I will let go of the things that have made today hard even for a short while. I accept what may come and I am VERY MUCH LOOKING FORWARD TO SMILING, LAUGHING, SHAKING MY BOOTY and a brief moment of being 'me'.
Yes I am scared and excited all rolled into one. Tomight dance class is doing that one thing a day that scares me. I know that acting with in the boundaries that endometriosis sets for me can shrink my world. I try really hard to ensure it doesn't shrink it too much and at times that fight gets too much like it did today. It is than the choice to step into that thing that scares me is the only one I can take because I refuse to give in. I refuse to let my world shrink. I refuse to loose too much of 'me'. I may be crying now and feel like I am a world away from 'me' but come tonight when I dance I will be happy, my world will expand and while that music plays I will be free. I may have woken up sad this morning but I am fighting to go to bed with a smile on my face tonight.
What makes you happy? What expands your world and sets you free? What can make a positive change, big or small that will mean you go to bed tonight with a smile on your face?